i've been wanting to write this post for a while now... especially ever since my punishment from SG.
i don't know where my fear of hoods comes from. An interesting question from Qetesh asked this on my earlier post and she told me of her fear of clowns. So that triggered something inside me. i remembered that when i was younger, i used to hate them too. i distinctly remember that (and still hate them). i was always scared of people who dressed up as teddy bears or Disney characters you'd see at shopping malls or parties. i would always try to avoid them or shy away. So from this, i think i can understand it a little better now.
Strangely enough on the flip side, i have experienced almost completely being hooded. When SG adorns me with my cat-woman half hood, muzzle gag and blindfold, my head is practically covered - and this actually excites me now. i was a little dubious at first, although it was me who found the muzzle gag for SG, which has now become a favourite piece of our play time. Go figure!
Anyway, back to my punishment to explain more:
As i pleasured Him, i was in two minds whether to look up or not. In a way, i knew i wanted to, to get past that block in my mind. i wanted to look up and see Him in His hood. i know He wasn't expecting it and i don't think i knew i was going to do it either. But i did - twice.
Beforehand i could hear Him moaning, as i licked and sucked Him. i could sense His pleasure growing inside. i wanted to please Him, so i raised my head slowly to look up at Him. He was looking back down at me. This hooded face, this masked Master, was SG. my heart was racing and i felt scared, but i told myself it wasn't anyone else but my Owner. He was just wearing His hood. He was staring back at me and was probably in shock that i had looked up.
A few seconds later, i got back to the task in hand, i mean in mouth, as my arms were behind me in the monoglove. With my heart still pumping frantically, i continued to caress Him. my tongue lavished His rigid cock, around the frenulum (which He seems to enjoy) and listened to His groans. Then i found myself looking up... again. i had it done it once, i could do it again, so i did. i took in His face for longer this time, without any show of emotion. i was kneeling before Him, looking up into His eyes. Not a word was spoken between us, until SG decided i had performed well enough.
He was right - there was a tear in my eye - as i realised what i had done and how difficult it had been for me. There had been some fear too. It was now coming out in the form of my tears. SG praised me as He removed His hood. Ironically, i looked away, not wanting Him to see me crying. But i couldn't be sure if He had or not. He released me from the monoglove, lay me down on the bed and held me so very tightly, and told me how proud He was. i snuggled in close to Him and closed my now dry eyes. Personally, it had been a great achievement. i only hope that it continues - i can please Him further and i can be a better submissive.
Growth is a wonderful thing.
Thank You SG for Your collar, protection, guidance and love.