Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Locked Out

my collar.

It represents the most important aspect of SG's ownership and my submission to Him. It symbolises that i belong to Him and also His love for me. He bought it for me and made me His. It serves to comfort and reassure when He can't be with me.

As part of this, the padlock has the same meaning and it also means that my collar is always locked on in SG's presence, in our private time together. It's a ritual that we share together. As soon as we are alone, He locks my collar on and only He removes it.

However, last night i had forgotten the padlock. It had been in my usual bag which i carry on a daily basis. When i am away from home or not at SG's wearing my locked collar, it's a rule that i carry it with me as a constant reminder of being owned.

On this occasion, i had changed bags and completely by accident had left the padlock behind. Only realising after, it had then been on my mind for the last few hours until now, as i knelt at SG's feet with just my collar in hand, and i was feeling apprehensive. i should also mention that i have been experiencing some bad neck pain recently and had asked SG for permission to refrain from wearing it overnight, which He granted. Then again, i had not worn it the following night either and i hadn't told Him.

Standing before me, SG motioned to hand Him my collar, then reached out his hand again for the padlock. i looked down at the floor and mumbled "i don't have it with me".

"Look up at Me and say that again" He said.

i repeated that i didn't have it.

"Have you lost it? Do you know where it is?"

"It's at home. i forgot to put it in my bag. i'm very sorry Sir" i quickly looked down at the floor again.

i heard a big sigh from above.

"Is there anything else you want to tell me?" He enquired.

It was like He knew i had another confession to make. So i told Him i had not worn my collar last night either, and hadn't asked for permission. He was aware that i had gone the night before without it, but not last night too.

He shook His head. "Tell Me, what does your collar mean to you?" He asked.

"It's everything Sir. It symbolises Your ownership of me and my submission to You." i replied.

"That's right. It's not difficult to forget is it? I have to say I am disappointed and I'm upset."

Hearing His words, i apologised again several times and felt so bad for hearing that i'd upset Him. It was the last thing i wanted to do. It's one thing a submissive should never ever do to her Master. i felt awful but i didn't know what i could do to make it better. All i could do was kneel before Him, my head bowed, feeling small, knowing that i'd let Him down, waiting to hear my fate.

"How does that make you feel?" He asked.

"Ashamed Sir."

"Do you think you are worthy to wear your collar? Do you think you are worthy to wear it tonight, in My bed?"

"i don't know Sir."

Wrong answer. He repeated the question.

"Yes Sir."

"Do you? I don't think you are. i am trying to think of a suitable punishment. It's a shame that I don't have any implements I could use on you right now. But then again, You'd probably just enjoy it anyway." (The usual pain-bearing tools were at my place.)

He paused.

"Now I know that your neck has been hurting and I did let you sleep without your collar because of that. I do understand that you haven't been feeling so good. I think it would be punishment enough for you not to wear your collar tonight. But hold on to how you feel right now. Feeling ashamed and knowing you've let Me down. It's not a nice feeling is it? you don't want to feel like this again do you?"

"No Sir."

"I am upset, but you know i can't be mad at you for long."

He began to stroke my hair. i looked up at Him and smiled.

He motioned for me to stand up and putting His arms around me, told me to hold Him. i put my head on His shoulder and whispered that i was sorry once more.

"I'll just have to defer your punishment until the weekend..." He replied.

1 comment:

sera said...

Ouch, I know how that feels. Sounds like both you and SG handled the almost inevitable bump in the road rather well . . . although I'm interested to hear how the weekend went. ;)