Wednesday, May 07, 2008

Fun, Fear and Forgiveness

i’m back!!

We had a great time away, Master and His pup. It was a wonderful few days filled with Domination, submission, hogties, restraint and humiliation, but not forgetting, pure vanilla fun.

The first test of my submission was an instruction to wear my leather harness and my old plain leather collar, known as my “day collar”. To be worn underneath my clothes along with my boots, but no panties allowed, for the journey to the hotel. He advised that i should wear a high-necked top to cover my collar. So all well and good with that, as i had just the roll-neck jumper in mind together with my short flared skirt which would also hide any signs of bulkiness from the harness’s many straps and buckles.

Having only been out once before without underwear, i knew it was going to be an exciting experience. Although luckily for me this time without the added worry of using public transport, as Master was to be my chauffeur. As He drove, He would occasionally smile at me knowingly with His hand on my thigh, pleased that i had dressed as He requested.

Further excitement grew within me when, after finding the hotel, we went out in search of somewhere to eat. As we walked along, the harness’s straps rubbed against my pussy, already rather aroused by not wearing any panties. So this increased my sense of vulnerability and made me feel a little humiliated too. He enjoyed it to the full and kept telling me how proud He was of me.

i think my luck was in full flow as the restaurant we picked was almost empty, with just another couple at a table behind us. Nevertheless, sitting there knowing what i was wearing (or even what i wasn’t) was a real test for me. After a short while i was almost able to forget my situation, until it was time to leave and the pussy rubbing straps began teasing me once again.

Needless to say, Master wasted no time in enjoying His pup back at the hotel with lots of teasing with vibes and butt plugs, cock rings and nipple clips. The following night, He wanted to experiment further by using lots of rope and chains to place me in what felt like a very secure hogtie. He ran chains around my waist, down to my crotch and then up my back to my collar.

Rope ran from my ankles up to my wrists, not forgetting the addition of the ball gag harness and nipple clips. my body felt so deliciously held by all of this apparel, before He tormented me with a few strokes of the crop, before inserting my vibe and butt plug simultaneously. So many sensations at once can only lead to one thing – pup was in subspace, floating away and coming for Her Master.

So this all sounds rather good and it certainly was. We returned home to spend another evening together. i have to say i was quite tired, felt a little unwell, but had an odd feeling of indecision and just a little low, couldn’t quite work myself out (and neither could Master). i think it was the come down from the intensity of the weekend. Master asked me if i was ok, He could tell His pup wasn’t herself and we snuggled close for a while.

During our close time, He reminded me that He would like us to “rubber up”, as He had mentioned before at the start of the weekend. It had been a while since we both had been rubber-clad together, but it was also so He could take some photos for a joint profile on a fetish website that He already belonged to. He said He would be wearing His latex hood which He had also talked about prior to this and was something i knew He owned.

Lying me face down on the bed in my rubber dress, adorned with the ball gag harness and monoglove, He then dressed in His rubber suit and pulled me up from the bed to lead me through to the other room to take some photos. He made me kneel in the middle of the floor, as i heard Him putting on His hood behind me. He set the camera’s self-timer before positioning Himself, standing over me, with my back facing it, so it looked like i was attending to His cock. He held the crop as well to add the effect that He was about to strike me.

After several shots, He was pleased with His work. The whole time He had been taking the photos, i had not looked up to see Him wearing the hood. i knew that i wouldn’t be able to, as hoods are a hard limit for me. i had seen a few photos of Master in His hood from what He had sent me, prior to meeting. This was to give me a taste of the things He enjoyed and i found myself able to look at them then. Because we hadn’t met, to me it was just an image of someone in a hood, nothing really any more than that.

But this felt very different. This was scary and i could feel myself panicking. What happened next seemed to happen in a flash, so i find it hard to recall the exact sequence of events, but it was something like this:

“Look at Me” He ordered, standing over me.

i looked down at the floor, not able to look up at Him.

“LOOK AT ME” He shouted this time.

i remember that i hesitated for what seemed like forever, before He grabbed hold of the top ring of my ball gag harness, forcing me to look up at Him. i could feel myself squirming, i wanted to physically run away at that very moment. i needed to hide from Him. i didn’t recognise who He was. To me, it wasn’t my Master, my protector, my guide. He was this anonymous and threatening figure.

“Get up” He said.

Somehow i did with the hindrance from the monoglove and He made me stand next to Him to look in the mirror.

i glanced at Him momentarily then looked down again, as i just couldn’t meet His eye. i wanted to be anywhere else but there. He seemed so domineering, especially as He was still wielding the crop. He seemed a completely different person to me and it freaked me out. It was like someone else had stepped into His shoes, not someone i knew and trusted. He came up real close, stared at me in the mirror and whispered in my ear, but i can’t remember what He said.

my body was shaking with fear and as i still looked away, He realised by my reactions that all was not good. He sent me to the bedroom and told me to lie face down on the bed. What followed was an attempt to calm me down, by giving me lots of pleasure with the aide of vibes and butt plug to bring me to climax, before ending the scene by holding me so very tight in His arms.

As He held me and asked if i was ok, my emotions gave way to floods of tears from the intensity of the hood experience and He held me even tighter, telling me how sorry He was. He said He never wanted me to feel fear, any fear with Him. He would never wear the hood again, would even throw it away if that’s what was best. He asked me to forgive Him, He felt very remorseful and i knew He meant it. i knew I would forgive Him, but at the same time, the whole situation had made me feel a little bit distant from Him, in those moments just before we slept – it was pretty late. i had so many thoughts going round in my head that i wanted to share and we managed to have a really good talk the following morning.

Not the ending that we wanted from what was a fabulous weekend. i am keeping hold of the happy and fun times in my mind. i knew i would write about our weekend together (i shouldn't have teased) but Master asked me to also include this experience, so that we can acknowledge it and work through it. i knew i needed to get my thoughts down too. In time, i will write more on this but what i have written is what i want to share, for now.

Master mooted before this, when He began to read my blog and after my collaring, that He would like to contribute to my blog at some point. So it seems the right time, albeit rather poignant, that the next post will be His introduction and His side of the story.


Pygar said...

It sounds a lovely weekend - what a shame the end was a little spoiled.

The start was you feeling a bit down. Such experiences are so intense that coming down one can perhaps become a little flat.

I suppose in any new relationship there are going to be blips. I am sure Master realises he went a little too far - not realising the full effect the mask would have on you. In the end he did the right thing. He took you in his arms. He reminded you his love for you was true. He has shown he wants to work through this and learn from it.

I look forward to Master's own post on this.

You are going to make a great couple t.


Mina said...

It's never easy to share the hard times, but I have found writing about them does help move past them. I lok forward to hearing your Master's side.

Anonymous said...

I am thinking of you pup and hoping you are well... I hope we will talk again soon!